Cave of Sleepers: Lydia

Written by Anne C. Moore
 

** Rose entry 45 **
 

Entry 29
 

I felt Penelope strip a bit of my skin away.  She pulled her hand back
and stood up.  She walked away and started pacing in front of the empty
fireplace.  The weather was too warm for us to need a fire, and I was
glad of it.  If it'd been cold, I'd have been sitting right there, and
she'd have had nowhere to pace.

I wanted to curl up in bed and pull the covers over my head.
Unfortunately, not only could I not come up with an excuse to go to bed
but I also didn't think I could manage a satisfactory curl.  All I could
do was wait.

Eventually she stopped and turned to look at me.  She held up a hand.
"This tells me that you're mine.  I recognize you even as you'll
recognize your child in years to come.  You're the same as the child I
carried for nine months beneath my heart.  Why do you think you're not?"

"I know I'm not.  I'm sorry.  I'd like to be, in some ways, but I'm
not."  I wasn't sure what to do in the face of her disbelief.  "At the
very least, I can prove that I have Logrus and not Pattern."

She didn't look convinced, but she also didn't argue with me further.  I
expect that we'll revisit the topic again.  I think the only proof I can
offer that she'll believe will be a visit to the Pit, but that entails
complications that I really don't want to deal with.  Bleys the Younger
has informed me that my appearance and disappearance has energized the
various researchers.  Now that they've seen that someone has a solution
to the problem, they're certain that they'll find it if they just work
at it hard enough.

I suspect that she talked to Bleys the Younger about my revelations,
though.  That evening, the three of us had dinner together, and he had
the look of a man who's had his questions satisfactorily answered.  He
also stepped in regularly during the meal to deflect Penelope as she
tried to nudge me to remember the past properly.  As far as I can tell,
she's convinced that this is a problem of Logrus madness rather than of
Dworkin's meddling and has told Bleys the Younger so.  I don't know that
he believes her, however.

And it could be true.  It's not, but it could be.  The Logrus has very
odd effects, quite idiosyncratic.  Altered memories are entirely
possible, and some never fully recover.  I read once of a woman who was
utterly convinced that she was sharing her body with someone else, a man
who'd been in the Pit when she entered it.  She even sometimes appeared
in "his" form.

I could be imagining all of you and your messages.  I don't think my
imagination is that fertile, but…  I'd think that, wouldn't I?  And if
Penelope's right, then I really could be doing something terrible in
having this child.  I guess this whole situation with Penelope has upset
me more even than I'd expected.

Well, I must go.  The baby has turned.  I don't expect I'll have any
more time to myself before she arrives.  I had planned to address some
of the concerns raised in your messages this time, but time does not
allow.
 

Previous letter
Next letter
Previous entry in Rose
Next entry in Rose
Previous entry by Lydia
Next entry by Lydia